if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
