the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
