oh god the rape fog is back!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
