Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
