i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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