I think I died a long time ago.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
