It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
