stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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