I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
