I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
