If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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