Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
