Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
