Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
