i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
