I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize