Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
