Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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