Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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