No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
