just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just found a bag of teeth...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
