I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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