You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
