my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
