I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
