Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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