My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
