just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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