her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize