Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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