I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
