there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
her vagine was all disorganized.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
