Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
