I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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