I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
