I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
