We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
