I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
