You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
