I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
