Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
