I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm at about main and main street
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
