Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
