Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Girls should come with a carfax report
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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