we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
