Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
