I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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