dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
