Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
