That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
