this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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