Define "chronic" masturbator.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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