Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize