Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
