ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
