I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
