Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
