im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
