Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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