I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
