he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
