hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Two words: blizzard sex
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
