One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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