the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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