tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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