Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
