this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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