he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
