so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
