why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
is that a dick in a sweater?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
