Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
