dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
