is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
