so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
